It lives!
EXT. A MISTY SWAMP - EARLY EVENING
It is a hot, quiet, and peaceful summer evening in the swamp. FROGS croak, FIREFLIES and CICADAS put on their show. A FISHERMAN sits in his canoe, line in the water. All is well… when, suddenly:
The noise of the cicadas ceases; the FISHERMAN looks up in response, just in time to witness: a purple TENTACLE breaking the surface of the water, heading straight for him. The FISHERMAN stares in shock, transfixed, as two TENTACLES emerge, followed by EVEN MORE TENTACLES, all of which wrap around the canoe, which is soon held firmly in place by a multitude of WRITHING APPENDAGES. The FISHERMAN looks on in horror as a LARGE BEARDED HEAD rises from the depths, blinking as though it has just awoken from a lengthy and pleasant nap. After a moment of looking around, the LARGE BEARDED HEAD speaks. Its voice is both resonant and polyphonic.
LARGE BEARDED HEAD (in an archaic and formal register): What year be it, mortal human?
FISHERMAN (stammering): 2013?
LARGE BEARDED HEAD (speaking normally, now): Huh, only three years? I thought I was asleep longer than that.
FISHERMAN: …
LARGE BEARDED HEAD: Well, have any good books come out in the last couple of years?
FISHERMAN: …
LARGE BEARDED HEAD: Hmmm… I guess I’ll just have to go see for myself.
CUT TO:
INT. COZY COFFEE SHOP
The LARGE BEARDED HEAD, or rather, the CREATURE TO WHICH IT IS ATTACHED (“The Creature”) is sitting peacefully in/around/on SEVERAL COZY ARMCHAIRS in the corner of a nice-looking coffee shop, reading. One of its TENTACLES is holding a MUG of HOT COCOA; several others are holding BOOKS. A large STACK OF BOOKS is on the floor next to one of the ARMCHAIRS. A BARISTA and a BOOKSTORE CLERK are arguing with THE COPS, two of which are attempting to eject THE CREATURE from the shop. Visible outside the coffee shop is an ANGRY MOB OF TOWNSFOLK, flashing police lights, etc. The coffee shop’s other PATRONS, hunched over their laptops, are oblivious to the presence of the CREATURE, COPS, and ANGRY MOB OF TOWNSFOLK.
BARISTA: He’s paid his bill, and isn’t disrupting the other customers- what’s the big deal?
BOOKSTORE CLERK: He practically keeps the nautical fiction shelf in business all on his own, you know! And you should see what he’s done for our periodicals numbers.
Yes, much like our swamp-dwelling friend described in the scene above, I have emerged from the murky depths following a lengthy slumber. While it is true that I currently lack tentacles, I have recently heard from Somebody Who Would Know that there is research underway that will someday remedy this tragic state of affairs- let’s just say that The Scar was popular reading in certain corners of Washington. Our tax dollars at work! But I digress. Unlike our betentacled protagonist, I am not content to sit silent in the coffee shop corner. I require a soapbox! An Internet soapbox!
And yet, my long-time reader(s) must wonder: why revive my long-moribund blog now? In this, as in all things, I have relied on the advice of my erstwhile attorneys. During the media feeding-frenzy that followed the 2010 St. Mark’s Square incident, I was advised that it would be in my best interest to keep a “low profile.” As such, I have been unable to respond publicly to the numerous and sundry questions, comments, accusations, etc. that have found their way to my doorstep in recent years.
Today, however, I have received word that the Italian statute of limitations has finally run out, and also that the last of the various governmental entities involved have officially closed their investigation. I am vindicated, I say, and my attorneys have assured me that I can now re-commence occasional public comment without fear of extradition or other legal complications.
Not only am I freshly vindicated, but, also, Posterous closed down last month, which left me with the choice of actually doing something with my old blog, or letting it succumb to the shadowy half-existence in the Wayback Machine that is the ultimate fate of all web content. I wasn’t quite ready to let that happen, but neither was I ready to spend any significant time designing or otherwise figuring out a new blogging solution. Hence the embarrassingly generic look of this site- “Bootstrap Bland,” I think it’s called. Maybe I’ll put some time into making it look a little better… or maybe I’ll decide that life’s short, and just call it good. We’ll see!